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[icon] So this is the family that I married into... - River's Run My Flow Of Ideas
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Subject:So this is the family that I married into...
Time:06:40 am



Several weeks ago, hubby’s aunt had her house broken into in the middle of the night. The guy broke into her husband’s work truck parked outside, stole all his tools, found the garage door opener and used it to get into the garage where he broke into her car, stole everything he could, then started taking stuff randomly from the garage. He stole food from the refrigerator they keep out there, some beer, and then just started pulling stuff off the shelves. Just trashed the place. They reported it, figured that was that, and went on with life.
 
Yesterday, she gets a phone call:
 
Man: Are you related to (Hubby’s grandmother’s/Aunt’s mom’s name)?
Aunt: Yes, why?
Man: We have her?
Aunt: What???? (seeing as grandma died back in 2004)
Man: We have her.
 
Ends up the man was a Sergeant with the Metro police dept. They had busted the guy that broke into her house, went back to his house and found among the stolen items there grandma’s ashes that were in a shoe box marked with her name and year of death. Given the mess in the garage, Aunt never even realized they were gone.
 
Now back up several years…
 
Hubby’s grandfather died back in the late 80s a couple of years before we met. My father-in-law kept *those* ashes in a shoe box in his closet. The intent had always been to scatter them but evidently grandpa was a grumpy, unhappy man that didn’t like anything. Every time they suggested someplace to scatter him, Grandma would say, he didn’t like it. The mountains? Oh, he hated the bugs. The ocean? Oh, he always got sunburned. The desert? Oh, he hated the heat. So the plan became, no use going through this twice, we’ll just wait for grandma to pass and then we’ll scatter them both.
 
Now my father-in-law has a sick sense of humor (which in reality I can totally appreciate) and he used to bring grandpa’s ashes (also in a shoe box) out at family dinners… mainly, I think, I push his mother’s buttons. He would then tell hubby, as the oldest child, he would eventually inherit all the ashes and have to keep them in his closet. My answer to that was, the hell he will. They would be scattered if I had to roll down my window on the way home from the funeral parlor. Oh, he liked to drive, he can spend eternity blowing around the shoulder of I-15.
 
Evidently, when grandma died, they ran into the same dilemma of where to scatter her because she liked all those potential places less than grandpa. In the end, brother and sister blended the ashes of their parents, split them, and left it up to each to decide where. Three years later, Aunt hadn’t decided and her parent’s ashes were stolen out of her garage and were now sitting in the Metro police department.
 
She had to go down to pick them up, so she met the Sergeant and he escorted her back to a room. He opens the door and there are half a dozen men sitting around the table with the box sitting in the middle. And Aunt has this moment of panic that they are going to start asking why she still has these ashes? What are you doing with them? Etc. It doesn’t help when they sit her down and stare at her.
 
Sergeant: How valuable would you say these ashes are to you?
Aunt: (thinking they are going to chastise her for leaving her mother’s ashes in a box in her garage and not even knowing when they were stolen) Oh, very valuable.
Sergeant: Can you put a monetary value on them?
Aunt: What?
 
Ends up the cops have been picking this guy up for petty stuff for years and want to put him away for a while but he never steals anything of enough value to do it. So they finally see their chance with a person’s ashes.
 
Aunt: How valuable do you need them to be?
Sergeant: We’ll just mark them as invaluable if you don’t have a problem with that.
Aunt: (in total relief that she’s not in trouble) Yes, they are completely invaluable to me.
 
Aunt comes home with the ashes, calls my father-in-law and tells him the story  of how she had to go bail out their dead mother and father from the police station (father-in-law is in tears from laughing so hard, btw) and finally says… we need to scatter mom and dad.
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sgatazmy
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-10 02:52 pm (UTC)
That is like some wonderfully thought out fiction story....but it's real? Oh dear, I can't stop laughing
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liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 06:36 pm (UTC)
Well, this is definitely one of those times where life is stranger than fiction. *G*
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thady
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-10 04:25 pm (UTC)
OMG. This is hilarious. It is a bit morbid, but I can't help laugh. Sometimes RL writes the best stories.
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liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 06:38 pm (UTC)
It really does! Which just makes it even more bizarre/funny.
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piplover
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-10 04:43 pm (UTC)
OMG, laughing so hard. Truth really can be stranger than fiction. By the way, I like your thought about letting his ashes blow on the highway. When my great uncle died they threw his ashes into the duck pond he loved. Well...the ducks thought it was feeding time. :)
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liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 06:39 pm (UTC)
Well, one way or another, I'm sure he ended up in the pond *G* Parts of him just took the..uh.. scenic route.
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margec01
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-10 11:12 pm (UTC)
Ya know, David E. Kelly or Dick Wolfe would PAY for a story this good for Boston Legal or Law & Order. I can see all the lawyerly shennanigans they could pull with a story like this. Might be a bit tame for CSI, though.

TOO funny. I'm wiping away tears of laughter as I type.
(Reply) (Thread)


liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 06:40 pm (UTC)
Well, you definitely can't make this crap up, no one would believe you if you did. *G*
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ga_unicorn
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-10 11:14 pm (UTC)
Jeez, we might be related.

You know those comedy skits where someone accidentally dumps the ashes onto the floor and then vacuums them up? My step-bro did that. I think everyone in the family - except my step-mom - knows that there were dust-bunnies mixed in with Pop's (her dad) ashes when we scattered them. I loved that man dearly, but I had a hard time not rolling on the ground as she oh-so-solemnly scattered the ashes and they blew off into the mountains. I think he would have appreciated it, too.

I think the lesson to be learned here is: Ashes to be scattered immediately!
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liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 06:41 pm (UTC)
LOL!!! Forget dust bunnies, if it had my house, there would have probably been a few legos and some dried out mac'n'cheese that ended up dumped as well *G*
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ga_unicorn
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 10:53 pm (UTC)
Believe me, I had very carefully picked out the pieces of Cat Chow, one paperclip, two pennies and a bunch of sparkly clover confetti left over from a St Paddy's day party! *LOL*
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liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-12 04:53 pm (UTC)
Well the confetti would have definitely given a festive flair to the occassion. *G*
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crownglass39
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-10 11:39 pm (UTC)
Oh my God this totally made my night! Not to laugh that your dead grandma had to be bailed out of jail, but still this is the kind of thing you couldn't make up if you wanted to!
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liketheriverrun
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-11 06:42 pm (UTC)
You really can't make this crap up. Life can be so totally bizarre. I guess when she was telling her brother this story he kept laughing and she kept saying, "Oh, no, there's more."
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jbperkins322
Subject:Extremely hilarious
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-15 05:16 pm (UTC)
You know the sad thing is that I can relate. My father passed away in 1982 and was cremated. My mother lives with me and I was given the task of keeping the ashes. Currently, it's taking up residence in my roll-top desk. Once upon a time, it was sitting in my bookcase in my bedroom. It's housed in a white cardbook box that fits the box containing the ashes. I was on the phone one day and noticed the white box in an upper shelf. I didn't remember what it was, so I pulled it down. When I almost dropped it, I remembered what it contained. Someday, I will have to figure out where to spread his ashes.

My mother wants to be cremated to and thrown into the Pacific Ocean. I threatened to get one of those kiddie pools, fill it and put the container with her remains on a small island created in the middle of the pool.

Thanks for the laughs.
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liketheriverrun
Subject:Re: Extremely hilarious
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-05-16 04:53 am (UTC)
Well, you could always put both sets of ashes in the kiddie pool and set it on fire like a viking ship. *G*
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[icon] So this is the family that I married into... - River's Run My Flow Of Ideas
View:Recent Entries.
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View:--liketheriver's fics at FF.net--. --likethekoschka's fics at FF.net--. --likethekoschka's LJ--. --River's Master Fic List--. --River's Twitter Fic Master File--.