FIC: Love Among the Inanimate (SGA Slash)

Title: Love Among the Inanimate
Category: slash/ h/c / humor/ crack for the not human challenge over at sga_flashfic
Word Count: ~6,700
Rating: T 
Characters: John and Rodney
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None that I can think of any consequence.
A/N:  I don't write crack.  I don't, and yet... sigh.  I have no explanation for where this came from.  Thanks, as always, to Koschka for the quick beta.
Summary: Three things John and Rodney never were, but could have been.